| this is what keeps me going. |
[Feb. 25th, 2008|09:45 am] |
the stress, the stress, the stress. i feel like i might explode. i am entering the final week of my masters program, but next week i start student teaching full time...
but. i have this:
a*************8 (12:38:27 pm): love me. e*********s (12:39:59 pm): I do? a*************8 (12:40:27 pm): why the question mark e*********s (12:40:52 pm): Because you said that like you thought I didn't love you. a*************8 (12:41:03 pm): no im just demanding love now e*********s (12:41:16 pm): That love is all encompassing and exists at every moment. e*********s (12:41:22 pm): It can't be demanded any more than it can be stopped. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2007|10:45 pm] |
my stomach hurts so badly. i ate so much dairy this weekend and its starting to take a serious toll. actually come to think of it i have been eating way too much dairy in general. i have not had much time to eat home cooked meals or anything healthy, so i pretty much eat a slice of pizza every night for dinner which is just gross. i cannot wait until winter break when i can go to the grocery store and cook for myself and eat some much needed vegetables. friday night dan and i made dinner and after we ate we really really wanted dessert so we went to the store and bought ice cream and brownies and i discovered one of the best things ever. its called italian chocolate chip ice cream and its $1.69 and its this little tiny container and it is the best tasting stuff ever- mascarpone (the flavor that makes tiramisu the best dessert) gelato with chocolate chips topped with chocolate drizzle and chocolate curls. mmmm. but i think ive had enough dairy for a while.
so what else...the eagles won. thats good. although we played the redskins and james thrash got hurt and he used to be my favorite player ever. and the hug that andy reid and mcnabb shared at the end of the game was just adorable.
i finished my research paper. or at least the first part. much needed break from stress.
and i officially have a boyfriend. smiles. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|11:52 pm] |
i have been so busy recently it is insane and i cannot wait until the next week is over. actually once i hand in my ridiculously huge action research project on monday my life will improve vastly.
i am also thoroughly excited for the holidays this year. i think i am trying to forget all the stressful things that have been going on with my family recently by blindly planning for thanksgiving. a million things can go wrong before then; i just want to be able to enjoy the last holiday season my family will spend as my family since talia will be married in october of next year.
speaking of talia getting married, i picked out my maid of honor dress on monday. it is so beautiful and i finally got really excited.
but really, i cant wait to have time to sleep in and relax. and go snowboarding...
ugh. only a few more days... |
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| welcome to the winter of my discontent |
[Oct. 23rd, 2007|03:12 pm] |
i learned a word today in my philosophy class.
weltschmerz.
it is apparently one of those words that there is not a literal translation in english. but its apparently the german word which means world weariness or world pain. uses of the word have sometimes referred to feeling experienced by someone who understands that the physical reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind. the modern meaning of weltschmerz in the german language is the psychological pain caused by sadness, that can occur when realizing that someone's own weaknesses are caused by the inappropriateness and cruelty of the world and (physical and social) circumstances. the modern meaning should also be compared with the concept of anomie, or a kind of alienation.
uh, yeah. never before have i ever read a word that completely described how i felt.
i am exhausted. i know there have been times in my life where i have complained about my problems or felt severely depressed. for the first time, none of this is self-inflicted. almost every sad thing i feel is somehow inflicted on me by the world.
care to read a list? not to make this into a "look at how much more i suffer than you post!" i just feel as if this expression really requires supporting information.
-mike moved units in the army. he will most likely be deployed right after the wedding.
-my brother is a heroin addict. nothing anyone has attempted has worked. every time i talk to
my dad he sounds so sad. that is nothing a child should ever experience because there is
nothing i can do.
-my grandmother had a stroke today. it comes on the heel of another battle with cancer and a
knee replacement and she is truly giving up.
-school sucks. i hate my school and i am starting to really resent my classes. i knew this was
going to be a difficult year in general, but the exhaustion i feel because of my classes is
exacerbated by the problems in my personal life and vice versa. i got the worst grade i
have ever gotten on an exam since high school, and its because im not trying hard enough.
i'm trying to try, but it has been really hard.
-im so broke because of school. it makes everything worse. do i not spend what money i have
poorly? yes. do i care to stop? not really. whether i budget or not i always end up
counting coins for food at the end of the month and it is the worst feeling ever.
-and the other situation. i dont even really have anything to say about that anymore. i would
love to live in a world where the internet doesnt exist and things like Philebrity blogs
dont make me cry on the train. im done fighting and im done worrying about that. its self
destructive.
do i have good things? of course. i love my friends and im very excited about the courses ill be teaching. i just hope i make it that far. at this rate i doubt ill make it to halloween. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2007|01:55 pm] |
dear fall.
you are supposed to be chilly. or at least brisk. hey, id even take a warm day and cool night. but 80 degrees? seriously?
i look forward to you all year. i even like you better than september which is my birthday month. i drove all the way home to my mom's house last night so i could bring my sweaters back to the city and you can't even deliver reduced humidity. do you know what my hair looks like today? it is puffy, and its all your fault. while i do appreciate the one chilly day last sunday that allowed me to wear a sweater to the pumpkin patch, i hold you to a high standard and expect more from you. i dedicate almost my entire wardrobe to black and 75% off Halloween items, and i try to keep the pumpkin dish towels in our kitchen as long as talia can stand it. so please, please, please, please i beg of you, be 60 degrees at least. are we clear? cool.
love,
your biggest fan,
adrienne
ps. i dont buy into this global warming bullshit. no more excuses. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2007|09:07 pm] |
i am so exhausted and i should be in bed. but i am on fall break so i have that little kid mentality that just won't allow it.
this weekend my 16yr old cousin came up to the city and stayed with us for a few days. i was really excited because i have a lot of fun hanging out with jimmy, but he can also be super immature. my aunt died of breast cancer when he was 8 and she was my favorite relative ever, so i really try to stay close with him, but he is also exhausting. i try to be patient because i know his life is not easy, but ever since my grandfather dropped him off on friday night it was nonstop activity and i feel now as if i have hit a brick wall. every morning he woke me up around 7. yesterday we rode bikes all around the city and did not get home until 5 o' clock. i just hope over the next few years he grows up slightly because i would love to be able to spend more time with him without ripping my hair out.
he left this afternoon and then meg and pat picked up dan and i and we went to lindvilla orchards and picked pumpkins. then we went to the king of prussia mall because pat wanted to buy an ipod, and of course i allowed myself to walk into the vans store and of course i spent money i dont have on the iron maiden slip ons. i already have the high tops but i really really wanted the slip ons. they are awesome. we all laughed that we were uber middle age couples today because we went to the mall. it was pretty funny.
im super excited to be on break. a lot of my classmates went away but all i want to do is catch up on sleep and go to the gym. i have lost about 15 lbs since june which is super exciting and was the excess weight i gained after i got healthy following my e.d. i dropped about 2 sizes and now i can wear cute jeans and pants and not have to feel uncomfortable in my clothes. i mean, im glad i dont weigh 100 lbs anymore, but i had definitly gained more than i wanted to. also everyone is not watching me like a hawk anymore, so now i can get in shape.
i'm only bummed that i was stupid and did not check my calender when i scheduled my weekend seminar for school, and i stupidly scheduled it during my break. but i guess it is ok, because by then im sure i will be bored and wont mind it as much. |
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| when did i become an adult? |
[Oct. 4th, 2007|04:25 pm] |
it's bizarre when you think of "growing up". when you are little you imagine it to be this monumental event, almost like a graduation.
and then it dawns on you one day, when you think of the things you do, and the relationships you have and you realize that you are an adult, and that you barely recognize who you were 5 years ago.
the relationships i have with my friends are the kind of friendships i always dreamed of having. where getting drunk or partying is a frequent occurence but no longer a necessity. that having your friends over for a dinner party or to watch the game is somehow far more fullfilling.
the past few weeks that i have spent helping my sister plan her wedding is so outlandish i cannot even put it into words. i always knew she and mike would get married. the fact that it is happening right now is intense. again its such an adult experience, and i never even thought about it.
although i am still in school i begin student teaching in three weeks. i am so excited i can barely contain it. i'm still not sure what grade i will be teaching, hopefully i will know by tomorrow. i have a fall break in two weeks and i am going shopping with my mom and sister to buy some sophisticated teacher clothes. i've wanted to be a teacher my whole life. its so weird i will actually be doing it shortly.
and speaking of bizarre, dan is at the phillies playoff game with my father right now. without me. granted my father and dan have known each other for 3 and 1/2 years, but they are hanging out together. at a sporting event. its so adorable. its part of the reason i knew dan and i had to end up together. my dad hates all of the dudes i have ever dated. except for dan. and he loves mike also. its amazing how random the guys are that talia and i have each dated and the two dudes we end up with are so similiar and love my dad. intense.
as far as things between dan and i go, only time will tell. i can honestly say that our relationship has never been better and i have so much hope for the future. it certainly has not been easy but we each get stronger and learn so much more about each other with every bump in the road. but it feels right. again, in the spirit of growing up i am very happy where we have ended up. |
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| The eagles suck. |
[Oct. 1st, 2007|03:15 am] |
But overall a nice relaxing weekend.
A little sick but its not too bad when you have someone like Dan to take care of you.
He's my lobster.
And I love him more than sugar. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2007|01:27 am] |
tonight was the best night ever.
i hate my thursday class so i had to come up with something good for tonight so that i had something to look forward to all day. i was feeling pretty blah so i messaged jenn and meg and asked if they wanted to come over for some dinner and girl talk.
so i went to wegman's after class (my most favorite place ever) and i bought groceries and i made my two favorite ladies dinner. jenn brought over wine and we sat out back and ate dinner and drank and talked. it ultimately turned into a wine laced girl power talk, which is pretty much what we all needed and really doesnt seem that corny when you mean it. jenn's advice tonight was on point and i feel a lot better about things.
we eventually headed inside for some ANTM/office/pick up artist viewing, as well as the enjoyment of massive candy consumption.
tomorrow is a day full of doctor appointments. and homework. ugh. |
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| 27. |
[Sep. 7th, 2007|12:56 pm] |
Seriously, the best birthday ever. I don't think I can remember a day in my life when I felt so happy/loved before.
I got birthday wishes as soon as I walked into class, which was nice because I used to never talk to anyone in school, let alone have classmates give me birthday hugs. My father flew in from his business trip in Canada right when I got off from school, so he and I met up at my house and got to hang before the festivities which ruled because I love my dad and I haven't had a whole lot of hang time with him recently. Then Talia, Mike, my father and I drove over to North Bowl for my party. We had so much fun. A few weeks ago I was feeling really depressed and Dan took me bowling to get my mind off things and we had such a great time that I decided I wanted to have my party there. It was such a great mix of all of my favoritest people in the world. My family and my friends all got along so well.
My guest list:
My mom and her boyfriend Ed.
My dad and his girlfriend Linda, and her daughter Skylar.
Talia and Mike.
Markie.
Dan.
Meg and Pat.
Jenn and Jonathen.
Katie. (her bf couldnt come bc he was doored the other day while on his bike)
We all bowled and it was funny. My mom and I were trying to synchronize bowl, but we failed. we were all pretty much really bad, except for Dan, who is never again invited to a bowling party because he was freakishly good, and he made the birthday girl look bad. We drank a lot and ate good food (buffalo tator tots!) and Meg set up a fucking dessert bar, with hands down one of the best cakes I ever saw/ate (she and pat decorated it together with a marzipan blackboard that had a piece of chalk and an apple on the ledge and the blackboard said "happy birthday". seriously unbelievable. ill post pictures when I get them) and she also brought an oatmeal maple cream sandwich cookie from whole foods (my favorite) cannolis, brownies, a fruit tart, and cake batter ice cream from coldstone (also my favorite). And we ate dessert and I opened presents. I think this year was the best year in therms of the gifts.
My birthday loot:
Birthday money.
An Eagles tanktop and hoodie
a new bag for my schoolbooks
a gift certificate for Toppers Spa
a gift certificate for MAC makeup and to get my make up done.
a Target gift certificate
a really cool shirt that Linda and Skylar bought me (its weird how Linda already knows what i like as much as the rest of my family)
a Smashing Pumpkins cd from my brother. the first present he bought me with his own money.
an Elvis calender from my mom (she is the only one who appreciates my minor infatuation with Elvis)
a video Ipod inscribed with "Teacher Extraordinaire"
a ceramic tile made by Meg of a ship titled "Three Sails" its my nickname when I get drunk.
a rubber ducky
Cold War unicorns
a U.S. map puzzle
X-treme skateboard toys
pixie sticks.
So I got a very bizarre mix of adult presents celebrating my future career and toys/candy that celebrate my silliness. kind of perfect. (not to mention the insane pressure I feel now to actually get a job)
The two things that made me lose it and start crying were my cards from Meg and Dan. Meg's card had two little old ladies on the front lounging in a pool on rafts, which is our hope for the future. I seriously don't know what I would do without her. And Dan wouldn't let me see his card all night. When he gave it to me I just burst into tears. On the envelope he drew my future classroom. On the chalkboard it read "Ms. Ciccone" and the three lessons of the day were:
1)Adrienne is pretty and smart
2)Liberals hate freedom
3)Richard Nixon got a bad rap
I fucking love Dan so much it's ridiculous.
After we were finished gorging ourselves on dessert, we headed to National Mechanics to drink away our $60 in winnings from coming in second place in quizzo last week and first place this week. but they were playing such god awful techno that we just had one drink and left.
so yeah. this birthday makes it pretty hard to not love life right now.
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2007|12:11 pm] |
Nothing like slacking on homework and then running into your fellow cohorts in the library and finding out that you have 20 mins to throw together the rest of your paper, which I managed to accomplish and ran the paper to my director's office. While there I ran into two more and they reminded me that page length did not matter, word count did (because your professor is a fucking weirdo) and I had to frantically count the words with the tip of a borrowed pen and my phone calculator. But it was right on target and in on time. I still kind of feel like I am going to puke.
This morning I received my TB shots, which were utterly painless, even though everyone lied to me yesterday and said they hurt. As long as it turns up negative (which I reminded my father they will, because I grew up in America, duh.), I will be one step closer to becoming a teacher. After class today I have to stop by my director's office again to drop off my photocopies of my three clearances from the state of PA - my child abuse clearance, my criminal record clearance, and my FBI clearance. I am now officially on the books in the state of PA and therefore I can no longer commit crimes in PA. It's amazing how much the concept of becoming a teacher has changed my demeanor. I can no longer engage in bar fights or ever attempt to drive drink (not that I ever have or wanted to, but it makes you think about those things, and act far more responsibly.) Its so surreal all these actions I am going through. I am so close!
My life has been so bizarre lately in its level of normalcy. I have been acting somewhat close to what an adult acts like. It's kind of nice to ask for adult levels of respect and behavior and start to receive it as well. For the first time in a long time I have serious hope for the future. I just kind of hope things work out the way I want or at least the way they should. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2007|07:51 pm] |
I am procrastinating from doing my homework. Mainly because it is a stupid paper for my least favorite professor and I just cant get psyched to do it. But it is also because I cannot get out of summer mode and I have been having so much fun, and I want that to continue forever.
I was super looking forward to this weekend, because I started class last Monday and I was determined to keep up the good vibes. I met up with Jenn after she got out of work on Friday and we went to Sailor Jerry b/c they were having an art show with free booze and her new man works for Gyro which is above the store. Later on we met up with Meg and Katie and we headed over to Johnny Brenda's for the A-Sides record release party. It was pretty low key but I ran into Rocky, who I had not spoken to since things fell apart last summer. It ended up being a super chill conversation and he apologized for the way he acted and so did I, and it was very amicable and mature, and it was nice to know I didn't have to avoid him or his friends anymore.
Saturday morning Meg and I took Jenn to Via so she could buy a new bicycle since Meg and I do mostly everything on bikes and Jenn is sick of taking cabs. She picked out an awesome Schwinn cruiser, and I am very excited for Fall bike rides. I also dropped off the sweet lime green Schwinn that Dan's dad had given to him in March of 2006. It has been sitting in my basement ever since, but now it will be tuned up and Dan can join our bike posse. Later that afternoon the three of us went our separate ways and I headed to Dan's for some super serious conversation, pizza, and Hot Fuzz.
Sunday I attempted to do some homework, but mainly sat on my couch and watched TV. I went to Jenn's in the evening to watch "Rock of Love" (which is hands down the best tv show ever) and we drank some wine and got ready to go out. We ended up at the Khyber for $10 all you can drink, which is a fantastic idea, especially when mixed with some late 80's/early 90s party jams. Jenn, Pete, Dan and I got WASTED and danced and then went to Pete's for some Wii bowling. There is photographic evidence on my Myspace.
Today Dan and I headed over to Jenn's house for a Labor Day BBQ. We hung out with Meg and Pat, the new boy she is dating and Jenn and her new beau, Jonathan. We ate a lot of good food, and watched some more "Rock of Love" and laughed a lot. It was a truely great weekend.
Today I also got some sad news. My mom called me while I was there to tell me that Ian, my brother's best friend from high school overdosed, and died. I still feel in shock. Ian practically lived at our house and was one of my favorite friends of my brothers. He had always had a crush on me and would always try to hold my hand when we were hanging out at the house. Finally one time when I came home from college on Christmas break I made out with him, a fact I deny to this day whenever my brother asks. I know he had done a lot of drugs with my brother and they had a falling out about 2 years ago when they both robbed Ian's parents for money to buy drugs and Ian let Markie take the fall. I hadnt seen him for quite awhile and the last time my mother saw him was a few months ago when Ian and Markie coincidentally had a court date on the same day. Its just surreal. Despite all the problems my brother and all of his friends have had with drugs, they were all really really good people. This is like the 5th close friend of Markie's that has died since graduation, including his girl best friend Amelia who died a few months ago, which triggered his last relapse and what landed him in jail. I just hope Ian's death does not have the same affect on him this time. It breaks my hear to think of Ian's family, who I knew well, and to think about the worry this must cause my parents.
Well not to end this on a sad note, but I must go to bed. I have to receive my TB shots tomorrow, which are necessary for me to be a teacher, and my doctor's appointment is super early.
Goodnight. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2007|04:40 pm] |
i think i may start posting in here again. i kinda miss it. plus my blogspot blog didnt really pan out, mainly because married dude flipped and is really paranoid a) because he is married and b) because he works for the government and he didnt even want me vaguely writing about him on blogspot. booooring.
and i really love going through my archives and knowing what was going on when and its a good way to remember anniversaries....
so yeah. im leaving to go out in a few minutes, so i wont start now.
but how about a good old plus and minus quickie?
+mike and talia got engaged. so so so super excited. i already asked dan to be my official date because he and i found mike for talia on myspace. and i get to invite friends and im inviting jenn and meg and their dates and we are going to be so grownup. (sarah if you read this and you talk to mad, id like to invite her too. and therefore i guess you as well since you will be her date!) i have been doing so much research stuff for their wedding and its been so fun. i am the maid of honor. and talia and i have become super close recently and i feel really honored to be her maid of honor as her best friend and as her sister.
+grad school. i fucking love villanova. i love taking the train to school, i love that there is grass and trees everywhere. i love when i tell people that is where i go they are impressed. i love the people in my program and my professors. i love the fact that i am going to be a teacher.
+friends. my friends are awesome. i have been hanging out nonstop with my posse of meg, jenn and dan and often katie, meg's roomate. we play quizzo every wednesday and we rule and we are all single and having fun.
+my family. things are good. markie is out of jail and doing construction and so far so good. fingers crossed.
+my hair. i have my dream hair. it is super long (like under my boobs) and jet black and straight. its madeleine hair when i fell in love with madeleine and i think i noticed madeline in high school because she had my dream hair.
+my relationship with dan. things have finally evened out and i think we are slowly figuring out how to be bff and exes at the same time. its difficult sometimes bc our issues are the opposite of each others and we make each other probably feel worse about them than we should but slowly but surely things are working out. ive tried my life with out dan in it all the time and i hate it. i want us to be bff forever.
-money. i dont have a job and i dont have any money. it blows. its the only reason why i want to be done with school and finally working a real job.
-boys. i think i have made out with all of the cute boys in philly worth making out with. plus i really want an older guy with a job that has his shit together and would potentially want a relationship. i dont want a boyfriend. i want an adult relationship. but quality over quantity is hard and im sure it will happen eventually.
-tim moving to purdue. sadness. im glad he is getting his PhD but i miss him. im glad we got to hang before he left, but eagles season is coming up and i wish i could watch the games with him.
i guess that is it. life is pretty good. plus my birthday is in a week! yay! ok jenn called i have to go. |
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| ok i promise this is my last post tonight. |
[Mar. 18th, 2007|10:58 pm] |
but im bored and i have a lot of energy and i never get to use the computer because my sister is always home.
so you know what is great? i was just reading my emails and i decided to click on one from friendster, which i never do and i probably havent logged into my friendster account in over a year and its awesome because its a total 2004 time capsule. and i thought i would post my friendster pictures bc i like them, and i dont think im friends with anyone here on friendster so you will probably never see them. also i so dont look like i did in 2004. its amazing what a whole lot more hair and a change of color can do to totally change your apperance. plus i was 24 and young and it was the greatest summer of my life.
this is really bad quality. but could you seriously tell this was meg and i? it is in the u of arts bathroom where we used to go after summer school and sit on the computers and play on myspace when we first discovered it.
same bathroom. we were in looooove with our vans that summer.
you have probably seen this picture if you looked at my myspace within the last year. but i love my hair here. also this was the summer of the reinvented tshirt/halter tops.
my maiden backpatch. i loved this jacket. in fran's backyard, home of the infamous grilladelphia parties at 3rd and christian. good times. my mom gave him her old grill and i dont think we did more grilling in our lives. im so excited at the concept of hanging out with fran this week. i havent seen him in a year.
i think this is actually the summer of 2003 and the first picture i ever put on friendster or myspace. this was in frans house after we got back from an amazing day at great adventure. here i am wearing my all time favorite shirt and the shirt i wear all the time when i am home alone. i am also excited at the thought of being this tan again soon.
sorry if these were boring. i just got excited because i forgot about all of them.
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2007|10:52 pm] |
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ps. happy birthday anthony. even though you really dont exist anymore. or at least i never hear from you :P |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2007|10:29 pm] |
dear jenn.
i have started recruiting cute girls to be on the website/our calender. i have also started sketching out ideas for the photo shoots, i am so super stoked. we better do this because i need to get my creative juices flowing and i havent been this excited about a photo project in years.
it was so great seeing you last night and i hope you have the happiest of birthdays ever. lets seriously do dinner this week and brainstorm about the project. yes? yes!
dear meg.
hurry the fuck home. i cannot wait to see you. i havent missed someone this much since...i dont know when. i have already spent way to much money shopping for miami but i have fantastic new bikinis that need to be shown to you. also we need to talk. it sucks that all week we have only heard each others voices through our answering machines. next year im coming to anseca.
dear sarah. hello. write in your lj more. i know you are busy with grad school stuff, but i need interesting things to read when i am neglecting my gre studying. oh yeah did i mention i take the gres next monday? i think i am going to crap myself. also i have a bag of espresso roast for you and your lovely gf. speaking of your lovely gf tell her to refer to my note to jenn. she is being recruited since she was my muse in college. tell her it invloves the month of july, a huge american flag, bikinis and cupcakes.
dear kieran.
thank you for vastly improving my life over the past few days. you are my savior. to show you my gratitude i think jenn and i may allow to be the ummm...wardrobe stylist for our photo shoots. but also in return i need your help recruiting ladies. somehow you end up making out with the cutest girls ever. well its not really a mystery, you are adorable.
ok. that is all for now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2007|10:59 pm] |
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in the past week there has been two myspace bulletins made by two of my close friends from high school announcing their engagements. this seriously needs to stop right away. i could write off steph and jens weddings in the last two years bc they never left the suburbs and getting married is what suburban people do. but these two girls are just like me and now they are getting married.
i read this news literally weeks after i comforted myself about my life by reading the recent issue of "Mercy Magic" (our alumnae news letter) and realizing that not too many girls from my class are married and i havent heard of any kids. now two in one week. ugh.
but in amazing wedding news i just spent the last few hours of my night flipping through wedding magazines with Talia, Dan and myself. now im not going to say anything official but neither dan nor i are getting married so yeah... also, i dont think that talia or i enjoyed looking at wedding gowns nearly as much as dan, which was adorable and hilarious at the same time. he gave my sister a lot of advice (nothing too princessesy, simple is good, but not too simple. either no veil or a really long one, just nothing that lands on your shoulder.. also let mike get a sports car instead of a rolls royce to drive them to the wedding.) he claims he has experience because of work clients, but i dont know. its seems fishy. he and i also requested special mention during the vows or at the reception because he and i set up her myspace account and read her mail for a few weeks and we only allowed her to talk to mike and not the guy who only had pictures of his weiner. so this entire relationship is because of us. talia said it will only happen if he dances at the wedding. so i guess there wont be a special mention :(
but my sisters wedding is the only one i will allow myself to get excited about. no one else. seriously. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2007|08:02 pm] |
this was the cartoon on the front of the note. in case anyone was interested. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2007|04:24 pm] |
if someone had sat me down a year ago and told me what my life would be like right now, i would have straight up laughed in their face.
i think for once i can say there are too many boys in my life. sometimes being boy crazy can come back to bite you in the ass. like when you get phone calls and text messages from another boy when you are with someone else, and you make an excuse and you realize that you are close to being shadier than you ever thought possible.
there is one boy though. he's the kind that makes your heart skip a beat or takes your breath away when you think of his face. it started out as hands down THE most innocent romance i've ever experienced. he's a regular at starbucks and ive had a crush on him since september. i only knew his drink, and we nicknamed him luke perry bc of his resemblance to obviously, luke perry. i kind of knew he liked me. we had the best eye contact ever. so i finally got up the nerve and wrote him a note and had my coworker draw a cartoon of me on the front and on the inside it just said "dear triple grande cinnamon dolce guy. you are cute. -adrienne. well, it worked and it turns out hes had a crush on me forever too. so we've been dating and its great, but i dont believe in innocence and i dont believe in romance and im always waiting for the other shoe to drop which sucks, but im trying not to analyze it too much, which is why i keep the other guys in my life so i dont get hurt. i guess i shouldn't have stopped going to therapy.
its weird. there has only been a couple of people i truly love outside my family. well, only three- dan, meg and madeleine. i feel like there are only so many slots left in my life of people i can love wholeheartedly. maybe because i still deeply love those people. but i hold people so far away because i dont want to give up any more spots. and it sucks that one of my best friends is a boy that completes me in a way that i have yet to ever expeience with anyone else. i mean im glad that i experienced the love that dan and i had or still have for each other and that i can be with him in complete silence and know everything about him and his thoughts, because i wouldnt want to not have that. or that meg makes me feel the way i do about myself as a person and seriously will i ever know anyone else that can make me feel that way? i mean i shouldnt feel bad that i have such amazing people in my life but it seriously makes it hard to have new relationships because ive set the bar so high. but we'll see. i need to let some of these boys loose though, my life is becoming exhausting. |
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